Reforrestation November 24, 2009
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Sometimes the scourge of our human mistakes need to be reforested. What is needed is effort – continuous effort. RL is here beside e to help me with that reforestation. Thanks RL.
A date November 5, 2009
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We went out yesterday night.
He met me outside Peninsular Plaza around 1905. He was earlier than he siad he would.
We went to the guitar shop where I bought a Acoustic Guitar, checked out the U4ria shop then went for dinner at Komala Villas.
After dinner, we went round to the back of Grand Plaza Hotel where there is a courtyard outside the spa. We sat at the fountain and I tested the guitar. He did not know i was serenading for him. He seemed to be absorbed in his own photo taking endeavour.
After that we went to City Square mall as he wanted to check out what is so eco about the mall.
We did not get dessert and went home just about half past nine. I sent him to the doorstep but stopped myself from kissing him.
A date.
A LONG LONG weekend November 1, 2009
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I only slept 2 hrs on Friday night…. all because I wanted to spend time with RJ at the Experience Singapore Literature overnight thingy.
I have been trying to stick out…. trying to just hang on
I just want to forget the whole bloody thing and move on
I am not lying when I said that I want to just forget the whole bloody thing
I am not lying when I said that I want to just focus on and rem that RL loves me and wants me
But I just cannot hang on to being a person that I am not.
RL does not like that fact that I cannot accept the person i love to love someone else as well. he thinks that I should be happy and happy enough that he loves me.
I really wish and I truly wish that he will someday forget WJ. I am hanging on that hope.
Sometimes it is not what happens that matters, it is what we think.
I think therefore I am.
I am willing to be just contented to let things go their way. for him to continue loving WJ. I will not stop him.
But can’t I simply reserve a small part of my life!
A small part of my individuality
Can’t i simply just WANT what I want.
Is it unacceptable that I want what i believe in? No, according to RL. I should not live in the past and I should move on.
Then why can’t he?
I am just hanging on the rope now. That rope that tells me he loves me. I am simply existing for him. I know i cannot love him the same way without thinking about what I have lost. And something I have lost forever.
I simply exist to let him love. I will care for him and ensure he does not feel bad for me. I will continue to be strong for him.
But please let me mourn my loss. I do not know for how long I will mourn. Perhaps a lifetime. Maybe just a few more weeks. I do not know.
I only know that it is very stifling to be unable to do things you believe in. I feel like living someone else’s life.
RL once told me that if I didn’t let him try a 3way with WJ, he will tell me at his deathbed that he had lived my life and he never had a chance to live his.
So i did what i believed to be best for us. I let him.
Now that WJ is clearly on his own path. What can’t RL let go? Why must he make me go through the shit with him?
Time to sleep. Time to mourn. Have a safe flight RL.
I’ll stay sane and strong.
My Birthday Wish October 29, 2009
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I am dreading the blowing out of candles on my birthday cake. I am not sure I will be happy about it.
My wish will never be fulfilled.
Truly wishful thinking. Sigh.
When will he have only me in his heart?
Perhaps this can only be in the past….. past 5 1/2 years.
A tough request October 25, 2009
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He has requested that I love, care and miss for WJ together with him. This is really a tough one. But I will try.
My choice to love, yet i do not expect it in return October 22, 2009
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If you yearn not love from him, love it is I shall be giving you.
铁轨上的单影 October 21, 2009
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Photo courtesy of N.C.M.W
踏上已装置的笔直轨道，
一直相信跟着铁轨走，总不会迷失方向。
只要不越轨，应该没事。
但是铁轨遇到山路毕竟是会弯曲的。
感叹人生路不是直的。
Phugked October 16, 2009
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Aye pheel phugked arp twodae. Wander uai aye kare-naught ged o’er id. Aye knead help.
2 bad bricks October 14, 2009
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Read the story at
http://www.spiritualityandpractice.com/books/excerpts.php?id=14838
